WHY YOU DON’T HAVE TO PANIC IF YOU’RE 30 AND NOT MARRIED

I will go ahead and tackle one of the more pressing issues that many single 30-something Mennonites face. The fact that they are, duh, not married! More importantly, the fact that they are at, near or over 30, and not married! In Mennonite world, 30 is the new 50. You may as well count your eggs as shriveled and your sperm as spent. If you live in a Mennonite community, people might look at you and wonder . . . “What is wrong with her?” “Why isn’t he married?” “Is he gay?” “Is she a lesbian?” Maybe you are. But you’re sure as hell not going to tell anyone in your Mennonite world that, unless of course they are the more liberal types. But even then, you are selective about who you tell. But we’ll save that discourse for another time. Let’s get back to the point: those Mennonites who are 30, or thereabouts, and single and, well, let’s be honest, searching. If you are Mennonite and live in a city, you know full well that 30 is the new 20. You are surrounded by “young professionals” who are content to be single or in their new or long term relationship – live-in or otherwise. You’re not feeling the least bit strange because, well, in the city, you’re normal. Now, drive down to your parent’s or grandparents or aunt’s or uncle’s or 23-year-old married cousin’s house and it’s a different story. They begin to wonder and hint, as does every relative over the age of 35. (Reiterate statement about eggs shriveling and sperm being spent.)

For those of you stuck or rather living in a Mennonite community…30 IS NOT OLD!!!! 30 is like the beginning of life. You had a blast in your 20’s didn’t you? 30 CAN BE EVEN BETTER!!! Trust me. I know there is a ton of pressure, both internally and externally, to find your perfect Menno-mate. But don’t rush it. Don’t worry. Don’t think that your eggs ARE going to shrivel up and die or your sperm WILL indeed be spent. THEY WON’T!!! Not for another 10 or 15 years (more if you have sperm..though research now shows that the older you have children, the less intelligent they are)!!!

Since this is the first time I’ve lived outside of the Mennonite Bubble, I feel like I’ve had a reawakening. I can now better understand my Mennonite friends from the city. Case in point: my (American) friends in my new little part of the world are all my age and just now having babies. Granted, a few of them rushed into marriage (i.e. got pregnant then married, or got married then pregnant, all within a few months). One of my friends, a very successful woman in the field of journalism and development (she worked for NPR if that tells you anything), is in her mid 40’s. She has an 8 year old and an adopted 2 year old. Another friend is 46 with a 2 year old (her own flesh and blood)…and is married to a 32 year old. You heard it. You think these women aren’t totally happy? At least they didn’t freak out about the fact that they were OVER 30 and not married with child. Well, maybe they did. I haven’t asked them.

It wasn’t until I was in my mid to late 20’s that I realized a number of my aunts didn’t get married until their late 20’s and had children in their mid 30’s (over 35). You have to understand that I grew up thinking that I needed to be married by the time I was 21 (following in the steps of my mother and a few of my aunts!) and with child by 25 AT THE LATEST!!! Do you know what would have happened if I would have done that? NOTHING! I never would have traveled all over Europe and led study groups to Africa and sat on the beach every year with friends and lived with fabulous, inspiring girlfriends and redefined my fashion and started an exercise regime and did I say travel? Now, all of this changed when I met someone. And let me tell you did it change. My only vacations are to go home…to my family or his. Nothing else. It is really quite depressing, but don’t tell my significant other that. All I’m saying is, 30 is not the end of the world. And don’t make it yours. Don’t make it your secret deadline for…well, being dead if you’re not married or pregnant or in a significant relationship. 30 is definitely the new 20 and by the time you’re 40, 40 will be the new 25. So you definitely have a good 10 to 50 years under your belt before your eggs shrivel and your sperm is spent.